Now that’s a thinkin’ man’s punchline right there. Naturally, our whole crew is psyched about the Hannah Montana movie. Why? Hard to put my finger on it, but Disney girls have a certain appeal that I can’t shake, like a hot bitch who wears perfume you can smell from ten feet away.
More and more, the aimless search for something to watch lands us (Devin, Jake, and myself) on the Disney Channel, or, as I like to call it, the Jailbait Channel. I think it began with Life with Derek a few years back, eventually expanded to The Suite Life, and inevitable landed on the prize plum: Hannah Montana. Sweethearts. Every damn show on that channel has either one really hot one, or two semi-hot ones. ‘Course, the genius behind Hannah Montana is that one semi-hot chick plays two roles, and there you are.
You want proof? I’ll give you proof, you asshole. Proof in the form of a countdown.
The Disney Girls
Ashley Leggat as Casey MacDonald
Life with Derek
By far, the hottest Disney girl is Ashley Leggat. She’s got curves. And though her face could use a little work, like a nose job, it’s not enough to slow her down.
Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana
Hannah Montana Season 2
Miley takes the second spot for her role as Hannah Montana. In season 2, she really filled out the role, and her turn as a blonde pop star made Britney Spears look like a heaping pile of crap by comparison. The blue eyes hypnotize, and the wig makes me wish she just dyed her hair blonde already. Too bad they screwed up the Hannah look in season 3. She used to be so damn cute.
Selena Gomez as Alex Russo
Wizards of Waverly Place
Selena Gomez is a sleeper hit, not well known in popular media, but attractive nonetheless. Like a latin Hannah Montana, she’s got a high level a cuteness mixed with a brash attitude and excellent comedic timing. It won’t be long before she sheds that baby face.
Miley Cyrus as Miley Stewart
Hannah Montana Season 3
While the character of Miley Stewart looked relatively plain in the first seasons, she’s really come into her own in season 3. So much so that she outshines her Hannah counterpart, and makes a strong case for brunettes over blondes. God knows I love big eyes, and hers are huge. It won’t be long before this sweetheart becomes someone worth lusting after.
Brenda Song as London Tipton
The Suite Life of Zack & Cody and The Suite Life on Deck
I’m not into Asians; that’s more of D-Man’s thing. But I am into Brenda Song. Flawless face, and while her body has escaped my notice, I’m sure she’s got it under control.
Ashley Tisdale as Maddie Fitzpatrick
The Suite Life of Zack & Cody Season 3
She didn’t look good at first, but Ashley Tisdale really proved herself. The mass of tangled blonde hair she showed off on The Suite Life made me take notice, and her semi-hotness, along with Brenda Song, made that show worth watching. Even though Ashely suffers from nerd-face, and a crooked jaw, she’s got an undeniable appeal. If only she had bigger hammers. But then again, I say that about all girls.
Demi Lovato as herself
“Don’t Forget” Music Video
I almost didn’t include Demi in this list, but seeing her in the “Don’t Forget” video changed my mind. Ordinarily, her skin is too pale, and her smile is painfully wide, but she caked on that make-up and sold her hot rocker look like a champ. Really goes to show that a little surgery and a lot of eyeshadow can go a long way.